13th Weigh In

Current Weight = 151
Total Weight Loss = 22.4 pounds

I'm still losing weight, but I'm also losing steam.  I don't know what my problem is.  When I first set out on this weight loss goal, I showed up the first day at my weight watchers meeting thinking that I would like to be about 135 pounds to 140 pounds.  Realistically, I didn't even know what that looked like.  I probably haven't been that weight since I was 17 or 18 years old and a high school student.  But about 30 pounds sounded like a great goal to me, and I decided 140 sounded like a good, round number.

I have really stuck to the plan, and I keep losing weight, which is great.  Now all of a sudden (okay, it wasn't THAT sudden) have lost more than 22 pounds.  I weight 151 pounds, I'm wearing mostly size 6 pants, and the size 8's that I do own, are mostly too large.  About halfway through this session, I decided that perhaps 145 was a more realistic weight, and I decided that I would look good at that weight.  So, 145 became THE goal weight.  Yes, only 6 more pounds.

But at about this time, I totally lost motivation.  Most days, I'm eating poorly, yet I'm sticking to the plan enough times during the week that I'm able to maintain.  I continue to receive compliments from people I pass in the halls of work, telling me how thin I look.  My family members keep commenting on my thinness. My husband, my boss, etc.  And this is where the lack of motivation comes from.  I'm sitting here at 151, trying to figure out if THIS should be my weight?  At this weight, I have a very healthy BMI, I mostly feel good about my appearance.  A big part of me just doesn't have the motivation to keep going.  Would I feel EVEN BETTER 5 pounds lighter?   I would.  I really would.  But when so many people are saying I'm thin, sometimes this just feels good enough. 

I have a weigh in today, and I'm expecting a gain of a minimum of a pound.  I really went crazy this week, and to top it off, I had a big family celebration yesterday that involved pizza and cake, and I guess you could say I indulged.  But I also have a renewed sense of focus, and this week, my goal is to stay strictly on the plan, and to try to go for those extra few pounds. 

In my dream world, I would never see 150 on the scale again, and would always stay below that.  Now I just have to dig deep within to make that a reality.

12th Weigh In

I am officially in slow weight loss mode.  Perhaps it's my body's way of telling me that it likes this weight.  Or perhaps the more I lose, the harder I have to work to lose more.  Not sure what's going on.  All I know is that as my goal gets closer, losing weight gets harder.  MUCH MUCH harder.

Weight Lost This Week:  1 pound
Current Weight: 151
Current BMI: 22.3
Total Weight Lost: 22.2 pounds

WEIGHT LEFT TO GOAL WEIGHT = 6.2 POUNDS

The truth is is that I'm just happy to have lost weight this week.  After last week's shocker and disappointment of gaining .2 pounds, I really really wanted to lose.  Again, my weekends, I overeat, and then I try to undereat to make up for it on the rest of the days.  Unfortunately this leaves me feeling hungry and deprived the majority of the time.

I also made the decision today to rejoin weight watchers.  My plan was to do it once, and then take the tools I needed and live the rest of my life a thinner and happier me.  Well, guess what?  I realized that isn't a reality.  I have worked too hard and lost too much to gain it all back.  So, I will rejoin weight watchers with the hope of becoming a Lifetime Member very soon

11th Weigh In

I officially had my first gain.  After going 10 weeks and losing, I have gained.  Not a good day.  I shouldn't be surprised though. I had a rough week.  I had a Davannis calzone one night (did you know those were 26 points???  Me neither, until I had eaten it) I had Mexican one day, and Indian food two days.  I totally fell off the wagon.

Weight lost/gained. Gained .2 pounds
Total weight loss: 21.2

Boooooooooooo. Onto doing better in the week to come!

10th Weigh In

For the past few weigh ins, I've had a bad feeling going into it.  This week, I had a really bad feeling going into it.  My weekend was undisciplined crap.  Seriously.  I felt bad.  Guilty.  And today when I put my size 8's on (hey, at least they weren't my size 10's) they felt a little snug around the belly.

So, of course, I was very surprised to find out that I lost a decent amount of weight this week.  Yes, I am happy with this week's weight loss!

Weight Lost This Week:  2.2 Pounds
Current Weight: 152
Current BMI: 22.4
Total Weight Lost: 21.4

Total pounds to get to goal weight = 7

I honestly don't know how I lost 2.2 pounds this week.  I was very active, and didn't miss even one day of exercise, so I know that helped.  And I would say 4 or 5 days out of the 7 day week, I was pretty darn good.  But the 2 days I was bad, I was really bad.

I can't believe I've lost over 20 pounds.  This weekend, my husband and I were chatting, and he asked me if I am lying about how badly I still feel about myself.  And you know, I'm not lying, or pretending.  I don't see myself much differently at 20 pounds less.  I was expecting the change to look more drastic.  Sure, I feel a bit thinner, but I still have some things to work on on the inside.

7 pounds to go!!!

NOT a Model Client

Every week, I love reading the success stories on Weight Watchers.  It keeps me motivated to keep going with the plan.  I have in common with these people that we are losing weight.  I've lost almost 20 pounds, these people are success stories because they shed the weight.  But that is where our things in common end.  They lost weight and kept it off because they made drastic changes.  Me. . . I feel like I am constantly cheating the plan.

My weigh ins are every Tuesday.  After weigh in, I try to be good and not go over my allowed points.  Then Wednesday I try to be good, as well as Thursday.  Friday, I am good until the point that I get home from work, and then I am bad.  I open up the bottle of wine, and have too many classes, I order my favorite Indian takeout and eat a HUGE piece of the most delicious naan I've ever had.  I wake up Saturday, feeling guilty and I go for a nice walk.  I eat well all day, until dinner time comes around. My husband and I aren't big cookers, and on the weekends we like to indulge, so we usually do takeout again, and I may have a glass of wine again (or 3-4).  Sunday I become painfully aware that I have a weigh in in 2 short days.  So Sunday, I get in my 30 minutes of cardio, and I purposely try to stay until my allotted 29 points for the day, because I know I must have went severely over on Friday and Saturday.  (Although I tend to slack off from tracking on these days)  Yesterday for example, I only ate 23 points.  29 is supposedly the lowest we are ever supposed to go.  I know this, but I'm in catch up mode.  I wake up hungry on Monday, but know that if I want to see results on the scale the VERY next day, that I should probably stay below points on Monday as well.  So today for example, I'm going to try to stay at least 5 points under.  And then weigh in on Tuesday, and the cycle starts again.

I am happy with my results, but I do realize that maintenance will be hard if I keep this up.  I want to have a PERFECT week.  A week where I stick to my 29 points daily, without ever going over.  A week where I don't have to come in under points on a couple days because I was so severely over the day before. 

Tuesdays are an exciting and anxiety filled day all in one.  I am so anxious to find out my weight, but so nervous that the number won't be favorable because afterall, how many points ARE in a bottle of white wine?

I am less than 10 pounds from my goal weight. . . a weight I haven't seen on the scale in over 10 years.  I must be better.  I MUST accomplish this goal.  And I probably should quit with my wine. 

9th Weigh In

Another weigh in today.  I deinitely felt better this week than I did last week.  Last week was my worst eating week since joining the program, so this week, I stepped it up a bit.  I did very well during the weekdays, and unfortunately on the weekends I splurged a bit.  I ate Indian food (with beer and wine) on Friday.  Saturday I was CRAVING pizza and ordered a delicious pepperoni, sausage, and onion pizza and ate two large slices (with beer).  I tried to work out a lot though.  Saturday after my pizza I even went on my second workout of the day to try to make up for my habits. 

Overall, I am pleased with this week.  I know that if I stuck to the plan perfectly all 7 days of the week, it would be even better, but I don't know if I'm ready to commit to that.  I want my takeout and alcohol on the weekends.  I'm just not ready to part.

Weight Lost This Week:  1.2 Pounds
Current Weight: 154.2
Current BMI: 22.8
Total Weight Lost: 19.2

Total pounds to get to goal weight = 9.2

I am finally at less than 10 pounds to goal weight.  When I first started the program, I weighed 173.4, and I wanted my goal weight to be 140.  After I had been on the program for a few weeks, I decided that perhaps 140 was too ambitious.  I mean, that would be a total weight loss of 33.4.  Do I need to lose that much weight?  After a couple weeks on the program, I was in a healthy BMI range. What if I stopped now?  Would I be happy at my current weight?  I mean, 154.4 isn't bad, right?

Sometimes, I just don't know what I really want.  I am now comfortably fitting into size 8's.  I haven't measured inches, but I know I've lost some, especially in my butt, legs, and arms.  And perhaps around my waist as well.  Yet, I still want to be thinner.  I feel like I'm wavering a little bit.  I mean, what if I reach 145. What if I look in the mirror and still don't like what I see?  Than perhaps this isn't about my weight at all. 

Okay, I'm babbling.  For now, my goals are to weight 145 pounds and fit into a size 6.  My goal is to never see anything 150 or higher on the scale, ever again.  So, here I go!!! 

Another 9.2 pounds to go!!!

Progress

I've enjoyed taking pictures at the beginning of each month.  I'm a very visual person, and I knew that it would provide extra motivation to me if I could actually see the results of weight loss.

Here I am, starting out in early July, at 173.4 pounds.

Here I am at the beginning of the 2nd month, 4 weeks later, and about 8 pounds thinner.

And here I am, yesterday, 18 pounds thinner, and 8 weeks later.

I guess if I had to see a difference, I would say I'm less bulky, especially up top.  I can also see a collarbone, and perhaps my legs are a bit thinner.  It's amazing though, I thought 18 pounds would be more obvious.  I definitely see a difference, but not as large of a difference as I thought 18 pounds would look like. 

I'm noticing that I'm ready for smaller pants.  I wear corporate attire to my job, and my current size 10's look frumpy.  I've lost weight in my waist, which makes my pants hang more, and now they are all too long.  I've also lost some weight in my butt and my pants make it look like I have saggy butt.  Not a good look!  So, perhaps after I lose a few more pounds, I'll go searching for new pants. 

8th Weigh In

Whew!

This weigh in could have been deadly.  I had an awful weekend food wise.  I indulged.  A lot.  But I still lost weight! Sure, it's the lowest amount I've lost in a week, but I'll take it.  Not only that, but I have the renewed energy to have my best eating week yet!

Weight Lost This Week:  .8 Pounds
Current Weight: 155.4
Current BMI: 22.9
Total Weight Lost: 18 pounds

Tomorrow I am hoping to post my 8 week picture.  Life has been a bit crazy (aka stressful) lately, so I didn't get around to taking one, but hope to tonight. 

I Fell Off. . . Hard

The wagon that is.

I knew this weekend would be tough.  It was Labor Day weekend, which meant a weekend at the cabin, and I knew it would be hard to stay on track.  I had no internet access which meant I couldn't look up points values, I had a stressful life situation happen right before the weekend away that made me not be able to prepare my Smart Ones meals and snacks for the weekend, and all of this led to a bit of a disaster.

Let's see, I ate Sugar Babies, drank too much alcohol, had the most delicious chocolate brownies imaginable, had too many helpings of bread, had a few mini candy bars, oh, and to top it off, I had a regular (non diet) delicious 20 oz Mt. Dew.

So, today is weigh in day, and I'm expecting to be up a pound.  I'm very disappointed naturally.  Today marks 8 weeks since on Weight Watchers, and ever week, I've managed to lose some weight.  Whether it was a pound or three pounds, I've lost. 

But then this weekend happened.  I feel discouraged, but I also know that I need to simply get back on track. . . starting NOW.  I need to not be disappointed when I see what the scale reveals today, and instead, I need to be strict with my healthy eating all week long, so next week I can see the scale move down once again.

I'll update today's weight later on, as I get weighed in at 12:30pm CST.

Goals for the Week

Although I'm still happy I am losing, albeit this past week it was only a pound, I'm starting to wonder if I'm reaching my first plateau.

When I started Weight Watchers, my goal was to lose 30 pounds, and I'm currently lost 17 of those 30 pounds, meaning I only have 13 to go!  It feels great being more than halfway to my goal, yet that goal weight of 140 seems SO far away!

My currently activities are walking at least 5 days a week, for at least 30 minutes each walk.  I walk pushing my babes who are both 1 in a double stroller, so I'm pushing quite a bit of weight.  My food is, I stay at or under my 29 points every week, except two days, usually Friday and Saturday, where I dip in to the extra 49 points I get. 

I'm thinking my weight loss is officially starting to slow down a bit, meaning I need to change things up a bit.  Here are my goals for the week.

1.  Do 150 sit ups a day. (holy crap does having a baby wreck those ab muscles)
2.  Walk 30-45 minutes at least 5 days a week.  (Hopefully more if schedule allows)
3.  Only dip into the 49 extra bonus points once a week.

I'm hoping these changes will keep me going strong towards my goal.

7th Weigh In

At this weigh in, I learned that I need to manage my expectations better.  I've been so lucky that every single week, I've lost some weight.  However, I've also developed unrealistic expectations as every week, I shed almost too much weight. . . some weeks losing 3-4 pounds in one week, which is a bit fast. 

So, today, I'm trying to be grateful that I lost at all.  I'm trying to remember what I used to weigh, and being thankful that my hard work has paid off.  I'm also remembering, take 5 pounds at a time.  Yes, I may still be approximately 16 pounds off my goal weight, but through a lot of hard work, and a lot of discipline, I WILL GET THERE.

Here are this week's results:

Weight Lost This Week: 1 pound
Current Weight: 156.2
Current BMI: 23.1
Total Weight Lost: 17.2 pounds

I always set a goal as I walk into each meeting.  Today, I really would have LOVED to have seen the number 155.  So, I was a bit disappointed.  I'll be honest. 

I'm just hoping I can work extra hard this week, and enjoy a labor day without over endulging on bad stuff.

It's been A WEEK

Here I am.  Approximately 24 hours away from weigh in.  I'm very curious what the scale will tell me tomorrow.  It's been a rough week for me eating wise.

It all started on Friday.  My state is having their annual State Fair.  I'm not a big fair person at all, but I had to attend for work for a team building activity.  I'm sorry. . . but I can't go to a fair setting and not indulge a little, right?  My indulgences weren't terrible.  As in, they could have been much much worse.

I consumed:

A couple pieces of homemade fudge.
Cheese Curds (Did you know these are 18 points?  18 people!)
A Beer
A glass of wine
3 (or 4) Sweet Martha's Cookies

It could have been worse, but this felt plenty bad.  The way I have been successful so far in this weight loss journey is that I don't ever go into my extra points allowed on a weekly basis.  I get 29 points a day, and that's all I use.  I never use the additional 48 points I get, and although I track my activity, I never use those points either.  This has worked for me, and I've continued to see the scale move downward each week.  This week, I unfortunately had to use some of those extra 48 points, so I'm curious to know if that will make a difference on the scale. 

I did exercise a lot this weekend.  Saturday I went on a brisk-paced walk for 45 minutes while pushing my kids in the stroller.  I figure with my two kids and the weight of the stroller I'm probably pushing about 60 pounds.  I got back on track on Saturday, and Sunday, I even stayed below my 29 points for the day. I know coming in under isn't recommended, but seriously people. . . Cheese Curds are 18 points!

And this weekend, for the first time since beginning my weight loss journey, my family members commented on how "trim" I looked.  I know I should care about the attention, but at the same time, I couldn't believe no one had noticed I was any thinner.  I mean, 16+ pounds is a big deal.

Looking forward to my weigh in tomorrow.  And my the scale be favorable.

My Motivation

I've been having a good week in terms of body image.  I'm so happy to finally be in the 150's.  I'm so happy to pretty much be half way to my goal, and I'm happy that things are feeling a bit loser on me these days. 

Here are some things that are keeping me motivated.  Motivated to continue to stick to my 29 points daily, motivated to get out and walk every single day, and motivated to continue to drop a few pounds.

1.  The way my clothes fit! Oh my! Who would have thought I would be so motivated by that!  Last night after the kiddos went to sleep, I tried on a couple pair of shorts because I have an occassion where I will need to wear them this weekend.  Last summer the two pairs of shorts didn't fit me but hey, I was pregnant.  The summer before, they were so snug that I had the muffin top tummy hanging out.  Last night???  They were both baggy!  Not so baggy that I can't still wear them, but they fit, and there was room to grow! My size 10's are all baggy to the point where there are a couple that look ridiculous when I wear them.  Pretty soon, I will for surely be wearing all 8's!  In fact, one of the pair of shorts I mentioned earlier are 8's!

2.  My goal weight is a huge motivation for me.  My goal weight is 140, but let's be honest, I would be very satisfied to be within 5 pounds of that.  I can't remember the last time I weighed that little!  Probably when I was a senior in high school.  Okay, I know what people are thinking. . . we aren't meant to be the size we were in high school, but that was truly a good weight for me.  Then I went to college, and quickly gained the Freshman 15. . . then the Sophomore 15, etc.  At 140, I think I'd feel pretty good. 

3.  As crazy as this probably sounds, other people are starting to notice that I've lost weight as well, and people comment on how good I look.  That always keeps me going and keeps me on track! I hate to admit that I care so much about what other people say, but positive reinforcement is always nice. 

And lastly, everytime I want to grab that cookie, or regular Mt. Dew, or bag of Doritos, or you name it, I think of this quote:

Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels

And yes, I realize that there are many people who despise that quote. . . such as some Anorexia foundations. But I'm not trying to starve myself.  I'm trying to be a healthy size 6 in a normal BMI range.  That's all.

6th Weigh In

My weight continues to go down, and I am FINALLY in the 150's, which I've been longing to be in.  I can't remember the last time I weighed in the 150's.  Well, I think I can remember.  I believe it was 2003.  And I believe it was due in part to the fact that I was about to get married.  And then I got married.  And ate, and ate, and ate.  Isn't that what happily married people do? 

Here are this week's results:

Weight Lost This Week: 2.8 pounds
Current Weight: 157.2
Current BMI: 23.2
Total Weight Lost: 16.2 pounds

I am very happy with my weight loss so far.  I've been working really hard at this, and I feel more determined than ever to be happy with my body.  But at the same time, I realize that happiness with my body runs deeper than a number on a scale.  Here I am. . . I've lost more than 16 pounds, and to be honest, I still feel fat.  My tummy has no muscle tone, which can most likely be attributed to my pregnancy of a year ago.  My face looks heavy, my arms feel big, my legs feel big.  Oh my! Do I have some self image issues? 

Not only that, but I'm waiting to fit into smaller clothing.  I'm still wearing 10's, although they are looser than they used to be.  I don't know.  I think I've just felt badly about my weight for so long, that all I can still see is a large girl.

Here is to having better self image and to seeing the beauty in myself again.

5th Weigh In

It is Tuesday, therefore, another weigh in day.  I had a bit of a rapid weight loss last week, so this week, my expectations were fairly low.  I was just happy to lose some.

Weight Lost This Week: 1.8 pounds
Current Weight: 160
Current BMI: 23.6
Total Weight Lost: 13.4 pounds

For some reason, I was a bit disappointed after this week's weigh in.  I shouldn't be.  I lost weight.  And I lost 1.8 pounds. That is nothing to be ashamed of.  I was just SO hoping to see myself in the 150's this week.  It's been so long since I've been there.  I guess that will be my goal for next week.

Here is a chart of my weight loss.

I am very grateful that my weight continues to go down.  I find as my weight goes down, my confidence goes up.

A Need for Control

I am a control freak.  I like to be in control of most situations.

The past two years have been very humbling for me, and it's opened my eyes to the fact that there are many things in my I simply can't control.  For one, my husband and I really wanted to start a family.  We tried and tried and TRIED to get pregnant, to no avail.  We sought treatment and still didn't get pregnant.  There was nothing I did to affect my fertility, and there was nothing I could do to get pregnant.  It wasn't up to me, and I became painfully aware of that.  During that dark time in my life, I realized that I needed to try to focus my energy on the things I could control.  If I worried about absolutely everything that I had absolutely no control over, I'd go crazy. 

The reason I bring this up is, my entire work department is doing Weight Watchers together.  This is my bosses 3rd time through the program, and she has only lost a total of 5 pounds in a year, and is wondering why she isn't having better success.  She and I had a meeting the other day, and she asked me how I had the discipline to follow the program?

I've been thinking about that question long and hard ever since I was asked.  And the truth is, is I am enjoying being in control of my own weight.  I fully realize that I will never be a size 0.  I will most likely never weigh less than 140 pounds.  But I can control that I'll never be overweight again.  I can make sure I never again weight in the 170's, or let alone in the 160s. (Which is where I'm at now) I can make sure I never go over a size 10. I can make sure I never show up as overweight on the BMI charts.  These are things I can control. . . assuming I don't have any health issues that is.

I LIKE being in control.  Love it in fact!  I can't control much in my life, but I can control the bulge.  As long as I eat as well as I have for the past 4 weeks, I CAN have the body size I deserve.  That right there is too good for me to fall apart now.  I WILL stick to this.

A Picture Doesn't Lie

Most women (because we are so hard on ourselves in general) look in the mirror and we see our imperfections.  We see rolls that may or may not exist, we see double chins, wide hips, etc.  For the most part, I have a healthy view of myself.  I was thin most of my life and sometimes, I still see that thin person.  I may look in the mirrror and make a mental note that I could stand to lose a little weight or to do a few situps, but mostly, I feel okay with how I look. 

But then there are pictures.

One of the things that finally got me started on this weight loss journey was a picture of myself.  Oh my.  My face looked huge.  I had 2 chins.  My arms were very broad.  I looked like a fatter version of myself.  And I didn't like it.  At all. 

Pictures of me in the past few months have left no room for interpretation.  I had weight to lose.  And more than just a few pounds. I don't know why I needed pictures to help me realize this.  I had my pants that were getting too tight.  I was on the verge of having to buy all new sizes as my 10's were getting very snug. 

But even with all of this information, it was still the pictures that showed me.  It was time.  I had weight to lose, and the sooner the better. 

So, here I am. . . Looking forward to seeing a picture of myself that brings satisfaction.  Soon perhaps.

4th Weigh In

Today was the 4th weigh in.  I've now been on Weight Watchers for 1 month, and I really like the progress I'm making.  Here are today's results.

Weight: 161.8
BMI: 23.9
Total Weight Loss: 11.6 Pounds

I am very happy with these results.  I'm a bit surprised I lost so much this week.  I'm happy about it, but it makes me scared that my weight loss "plateau" will be happening soon, and I'm not quite ready for that yet.  I haven't seen the scale in the 150's in probably over 5 years.  I really want to see that!  And let's not get ahead of ourselves and talk about seeing the scale in the 140's.  That has surely been over 10 years. 

I look at the week on a from Tuesday to Tuesday basis.  (Naturally, because Tuesdays are weigh in days)  In that 7 day week, I try to stay completely on track 5 of those days.  Two of those days, I allow myself to be a little "bad."  I'll get takeout from my favorite Indian Restaurant, which includes the most delish naan you've ever had.  I'll drink beer and wine.  But then the next day, I'll get my butt outside and go for a 30 minute walk.  And most of that walk will involve me feeling guilty about how poorly I ate the day before.  But here's the thing.  I don't have to be perfect, and I'm realizing that.  I can enjoy my foods here and there as long as I'm mostly good. 

Here is a picture of me from my first day of the program, and here is a picture of me one month later.  I plan on taking my pic every month. 

Here is hoping the next month is as successful as the first month!

3rd Weigh In

I am happy to report that I lost weight again!  I was nervous this week because well. . . I'm a girl. . . and it's that time of the month.  But, I lost a total of 1.6 pounds! :0

Current Weight: 165.6
Current BMI: 24.5
Current Weight Loss: 7.8

I am really happy that the scale is going down.  Sometimes I look in the mirror, and all I see is a fat girl.  Sometimes all I see is so much more weight to lose.  I'm really trying to enjoy the weight I've lost so far and appreciate how hard I've worked these first three weeks.  I realize I have quite a bit more to go.  I was hoping to lose a total of 30 pounds and I'm almost a third there!

2nd Weigh In

I was more nervous for this weigh in than I was for the first.  You see, my husband and I were out of town all weekend.  We went on a SUPER DATE, something we haven't done since we had children.  We spent the weekend in NYC, eating delicious food and sipping delicious wine.  You see my concern, right?

Well, weigh in went better than expected.  Here are week 3 results.

Weight: 167.2
BMI: 24.7 (Normal Range!!!)

I have lost a total of 6.2 pounds, and I'm feeling great!  I decided weekly pictures are a bit much, so instead, I will do monthly pictures to see if I can tell a difference in my weight loss. 

I learned  lot this week.  One, I WILL mess up sometimes.  I just will. But my mess ups are not nearly as "messy" as they used to be.  And something else I learned is that if I keep moving daily, I'm allowed to have a snack here and there, and that's okay. 

I also realize that my weight loss is starting very rapidly, and chances are, it is going to taper off sooner than later.  And sometimes I look at my overall goal, and I feel like this snail's pace isn't working for me.  But. . . I just have to keep going on this.  I need to consistently lose weekly, and before I know it, I'll be looking in the mirror at the person I know I was meant to be. 

1st Weigh In

Today I was very anxious for that weigh in.  For the most part, I stuck to the plan for the weight.  And at times, I felt like I was going back to my old self.  My biggest weakness remains alcohol.  I can't help it. . . I like a glass of wine after work, or a beer with my spicy Indian food. 

There was no need to be nervous.  Drumroll please. . .

I managed to lose exactly 4 pounds this week!!!

Current Weight
169.4
Current BMI
25

So, I am almost in that "normal" BMI range.  Not that I place too much on BMI.

I feel good though.  I feel like I'm on the right track! :)

Week 1

This is a picture of me (sans head) on the first day of the rest of my life.

Okay, that sounds dramatic, but I see this picture and am filled with self loathing.  Is this how I look?  Is this what I have become?  The camera doesn't lie, right?

Tomorrow is another weight watchers meeting and another weigh in.  I'm a little nervous as although I started this on Tuesday of last week, I didn't change eating habits until Wednesday.  So, I lost a day.  But, I'm still going strong, and of course I made a mistake here and there, but for the most part, I'm on track!

Weight Watchers has Begun

Yesterday I walked into my first Weight Watchers meeting.  I didn't know what to think.  I didn't know if I would feel judgment.  The first step of the meeting was to step on the scale.

173.4

Not as bad as I thought it would be.  Afterall, for the past month, I've been indulging in chocolate, chips, soda, wine, beer, and everything else that tastes really good!  Afterall, for the past month, I've been painfully aware that I needed to lose weight, and I wanted to go out with a bang!!!

I'll take 173.4.  I'll take it.

The Weight Watchers meeting was great.  And I truly felt no judgment.  I actually felt a sort of commoradory. There were people there with much more weight to lose than me.  And there were a couple people there that I thought looked great.  And perhaps they are just maintaining at this point.  Who knows.

All I know is that the meeting fired me up.  I'm ready for this! I know I can do this! And as I sit at my desk, drinking my DIET Mt. Dew and eating my rice cakes (where just yesterday it was regular Mt. Dew and a Snickers bar) I know that aoo I have to do is repeat this behavior for the next. . . I don't know. . . 90 days.  And if I do repeat the god habits I've been practicing for the past few hours, I could lose the 30 pounds I want to.

GAME ON!!!

How Does One Get Here?

We all get to our point of being overweight for different reasons.

Some of us are born to overweight parents, and live a life of being overweight.

Some of us don't become overweight until adulthood, and that's where I fit in. 

I have naturally thin genes.   Both my parents are thin and fit people, who still bike 10 miles a day.  All of my siblings are thin.  I used to be thin too.  Thin with no effort.  The best kind of thin there is.  (or perhaps I should say the easiest kind of thin there is. 

I think we use food as a substitute for other things.  I think all of us do this.  My weight started packing on when my best friends in college all moved away, leaving me as a senior in college, pretty much friendless.  Needing to start over.  And previously to this, I had ended a 3 year relationship with a boy. A relationship that needed to end, a relationship I'm grateful I had the strength to end, but it still left me feeling. . . empty.

The weight starting coming on gradually.  A few pounds here, a few pounds there.  And before I knew it, I was wearing mostly 10's, and an occassional 8.  Okay, I know to some, that doesn't seem large.  But I think we all have the perfect weight for our frame.  I am 5 feet, 9 inches tall, and my healthy weight range is anywhere from 135 to 169.  I weight 173.4.  Yes. . . I'm overweight.  Yes. . . I'm not morbidly obse, but I am not at my best weight.  My knees hurt.  My back hurts.  I'm simply carrying too much weight.

Life went on. . . I continued to gain weight.  I married a great man.  We tried to have children.  It didn't work. I did infertility treatment and gained weight from that.  Treatment didn't work.  I eventually got pregnant all on my own and also adopted a child.  I never lost the baby weight.  And here I am.  5 feet, 9 inches tall, and over 170 pounds.

For almost 10 years, I've lived a life unhappy with my weight.  I've started a lifestyle change here and there (I refuse to diet) and sometimes I would lose a few pounds, but I'd never stick to it.

Things must change.  They just must. 

A Little About Myself

I was born naturally thin. 

Okay, who is really born thin?  Well, you know what I mean.  Growing up, I was skinny.  Lanky.  Petite.  And not by choice.  I ate everything, and not in moderation.  My favorite grouping was an ice cold regular Mt. Dew with a big bag of nacho cheese doritos.  I consumed this favorite snack several times a day.  I didn't hold back ever.

Growing up, I would often get the comments that this would catch up with me.  But there I was, an 18 year old, graduating from high school, and wearing a size 4 and a size 6.  I was consuming way too many calories a day, but I was playing sports two hours a day, so I was able to maintain my slim frame. 

Then college happened to me.

I actually managed to stay thin my first 3 years of college.  I didn't wear many size 4's anymore, but I did fit comfortably into a 6 and sometimes an 8, and that was okay with me.

Then my senior year of college happened.  I had experienced a few heartbreaking experiences at the end of my junior year and I was filled with  huge void in my heart.  And what did I fill this void with?  Food of course!

And for the past 10 years, the weight has crept up on me.  And I'm done with it.  I'm done with being heavy. I need to look in the mirror and like what I see.  It's been way too long.  I NEED that.  And now is the time.  10 years s long enough to have body image issues.  To be carrying extra weight. My size 10's are now getting a big snug, and I refuse to ever wear a 12.  Just refuse.

So, I started this blog.  A blog that I hope will give me some accountability.  I blog where I will talk about my current weight.  Show pictures of the progress, and really work hard to get back into a 6.  (Yes. . . I've thrown the hopes of wearing 4's out the window) 

I've realized I CANNOT do this alone.  So, today I will attend my first Weight Watcher's Meeting, which I hope will also provide me with accountability. 

Here begins the weight loss journey.