My Motivation

I've been having a good week in terms of body image.  I'm so happy to finally be in the 150's.  I'm so happy to pretty much be half way to my goal, and I'm happy that things are feeling a bit loser on me these days. 

Here are some things that are keeping me motivated.  Motivated to continue to stick to my 29 points daily, motivated to get out and walk every single day, and motivated to continue to drop a few pounds.

1.  The way my clothes fit! Oh my! Who would have thought I would be so motivated by that!  Last night after the kiddos went to sleep, I tried on a couple pair of shorts because I have an occassion where I will need to wear them this weekend.  Last summer the two pairs of shorts didn't fit me but hey, I was pregnant.  The summer before, they were so snug that I had the muffin top tummy hanging out.  Last night???  They were both baggy!  Not so baggy that I can't still wear them, but they fit, and there was room to grow! My size 10's are all baggy to the point where there are a couple that look ridiculous when I wear them.  Pretty soon, I will for surely be wearing all 8's!  In fact, one of the pair of shorts I mentioned earlier are 8's!

2.  My goal weight is a huge motivation for me.  My goal weight is 140, but let's be honest, I would be very satisfied to be within 5 pounds of that.  I can't remember the last time I weighed that little!  Probably when I was a senior in high school.  Okay, I know what people are thinking. . . we aren't meant to be the size we were in high school, but that was truly a good weight for me.  Then I went to college, and quickly gained the Freshman 15. . . then the Sophomore 15, etc.  At 140, I think I'd feel pretty good. 

3.  As crazy as this probably sounds, other people are starting to notice that I've lost weight as well, and people comment on how good I look.  That always keeps me going and keeps me on track! I hate to admit that I care so much about what other people say, but positive reinforcement is always nice. 

And lastly, everytime I want to grab that cookie, or regular Mt. Dew, or bag of Doritos, or you name it, I think of this quote:

Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels

And yes, I realize that there are many people who despise that quote. . . such as some Anorexia foundations. But I'm not trying to starve myself.  I'm trying to be a healthy size 6 in a normal BMI range.  That's all.

6th Weigh In

My weight continues to go down, and I am FINALLY in the 150's, which I've been longing to be in.  I can't remember the last time I weighed in the 150's.  Well, I think I can remember.  I believe it was 2003.  And I believe it was due in part to the fact that I was about to get married.  And then I got married.  And ate, and ate, and ate.  Isn't that what happily married people do? 

Here are this week's results:

Weight Lost This Week: 2.8 pounds
Current Weight: 157.2
Current BMI: 23.2
Total Weight Lost: 16.2 pounds

I am very happy with my weight loss so far.  I've been working really hard at this, and I feel more determined than ever to be happy with my body.  But at the same time, I realize that happiness with my body runs deeper than a number on a scale.  Here I am. . . I've lost more than 16 pounds, and to be honest, I still feel fat.  My tummy has no muscle tone, which can most likely be attributed to my pregnancy of a year ago.  My face looks heavy, my arms feel big, my legs feel big.  Oh my! Do I have some self image issues? 

Not only that, but I'm waiting to fit into smaller clothing.  I'm still wearing 10's, although they are looser than they used to be.  I don't know.  I think I've just felt badly about my weight for so long, that all I can still see is a large girl.

Here is to having better self image and to seeing the beauty in myself again.

5th Weigh In

It is Tuesday, therefore, another weigh in day.  I had a bit of a rapid weight loss last week, so this week, my expectations were fairly low.  I was just happy to lose some.

Weight Lost This Week: 1.8 pounds
Current Weight: 160
Current BMI: 23.6
Total Weight Lost: 13.4 pounds

For some reason, I was a bit disappointed after this week's weigh in.  I shouldn't be.  I lost weight.  And I lost 1.8 pounds. That is nothing to be ashamed of.  I was just SO hoping to see myself in the 150's this week.  It's been so long since I've been there.  I guess that will be my goal for next week.

Here is a chart of my weight loss.

I am very grateful that my weight continues to go down.  I find as my weight goes down, my confidence goes up.

A Need for Control

I am a control freak.  I like to be in control of most situations.

The past two years have been very humbling for me, and it's opened my eyes to the fact that there are many things in my I simply can't control.  For one, my husband and I really wanted to start a family.  We tried and tried and TRIED to get pregnant, to no avail.  We sought treatment and still didn't get pregnant.  There was nothing I did to affect my fertility, and there was nothing I could do to get pregnant.  It wasn't up to me, and I became painfully aware of that.  During that dark time in my life, I realized that I needed to try to focus my energy on the things I could control.  If I worried about absolutely everything that I had absolutely no control over, I'd go crazy. 

The reason I bring this up is, my entire work department is doing Weight Watchers together.  This is my bosses 3rd time through the program, and she has only lost a total of 5 pounds in a year, and is wondering why she isn't having better success.  She and I had a meeting the other day, and she asked me how I had the discipline to follow the program?

I've been thinking about that question long and hard ever since I was asked.  And the truth is, is I am enjoying being in control of my own weight.  I fully realize that I will never be a size 0.  I will most likely never weigh less than 140 pounds.  But I can control that I'll never be overweight again.  I can make sure I never again weight in the 170's, or let alone in the 160s. (Which is where I'm at now) I can make sure I never go over a size 10. I can make sure I never show up as overweight on the BMI charts.  These are things I can control. . . assuming I don't have any health issues that is.

I LIKE being in control.  Love it in fact!  I can't control much in my life, but I can control the bulge.  As long as I eat as well as I have for the past 4 weeks, I CAN have the body size I deserve.  That right there is too good for me to fall apart now.  I WILL stick to this.

A Picture Doesn't Lie

Most women (because we are so hard on ourselves in general) look in the mirror and we see our imperfections.  We see rolls that may or may not exist, we see double chins, wide hips, etc.  For the most part, I have a healthy view of myself.  I was thin most of my life and sometimes, I still see that thin person.  I may look in the mirrror and make a mental note that I could stand to lose a little weight or to do a few situps, but mostly, I feel okay with how I look. 

But then there are pictures.

One of the things that finally got me started on this weight loss journey was a picture of myself.  Oh my.  My face looked huge.  I had 2 chins.  My arms were very broad.  I looked like a fatter version of myself.  And I didn't like it.  At all. 

Pictures of me in the past few months have left no room for interpretation.  I had weight to lose.  And more than just a few pounds. I don't know why I needed pictures to help me realize this.  I had my pants that were getting too tight.  I was on the verge of having to buy all new sizes as my 10's were getting very snug. 

But even with all of this information, it was still the pictures that showed me.  It was time.  I had weight to lose, and the sooner the better. 

So, here I am. . . Looking forward to seeing a picture of myself that brings satisfaction.  Soon perhaps.

4th Weigh In

Today was the 4th weigh in.  I've now been on Weight Watchers for 1 month, and I really like the progress I'm making.  Here are today's results.

Weight: 161.8
BMI: 23.9
Total Weight Loss: 11.6 Pounds

I am very happy with these results.  I'm a bit surprised I lost so much this week.  I'm happy about it, but it makes me scared that my weight loss "plateau" will be happening soon, and I'm not quite ready for that yet.  I haven't seen the scale in the 150's in probably over 5 years.  I really want to see that!  And let's not get ahead of ourselves and talk about seeing the scale in the 140's.  That has surely been over 10 years. 

I look at the week on a from Tuesday to Tuesday basis.  (Naturally, because Tuesdays are weigh in days)  In that 7 day week, I try to stay completely on track 5 of those days.  Two of those days, I allow myself to be a little "bad."  I'll get takeout from my favorite Indian Restaurant, which includes the most delish naan you've ever had.  I'll drink beer and wine.  But then the next day, I'll get my butt outside and go for a 30 minute walk.  And most of that walk will involve me feeling guilty about how poorly I ate the day before.  But here's the thing.  I don't have to be perfect, and I'm realizing that.  I can enjoy my foods here and there as long as I'm mostly good. 

Here is a picture of me from my first day of the program, and here is a picture of me one month later.  I plan on taking my pic every month. 

Here is hoping the next month is as successful as the first month!

3rd Weigh In

I am happy to report that I lost weight again!  I was nervous this week because well. . . I'm a girl. . . and it's that time of the month.  But, I lost a total of 1.6 pounds! :0

Current Weight: 165.6
Current BMI: 24.5
Current Weight Loss: 7.8

I am really happy that the scale is going down.  Sometimes I look in the mirror, and all I see is a fat girl.  Sometimes all I see is so much more weight to lose.  I'm really trying to enjoy the weight I've lost so far and appreciate how hard I've worked these first three weeks.  I realize I have quite a bit more to go.  I was hoping to lose a total of 30 pounds and I'm almost a third there!